HOW TO MAKE A GUY RESPECT YOU AND REMAIN FASCINATED AFTER HAVING SEX WITH HIM ON A FIRST DATE

So, you have gone on a date with this amazing guy, things are really going well and there is an undeniable sexual tension so you decided to go for it. The sex was good and you really like this guy but you feel because you gave out the cookie on a first date, he would think you are “cheap”, “needy” or “desperate” and therefore would most likely not want to see you again or better still just use you as a booty call.

Wondering how to keep a guy interested after sleeping with him? Well, who hasn’t wondered this before?! Honestly, I think most people have slept with someone they’ve met on a first date. This isn’t something new. Most of the time, it was because the chemistry wasn’t bad, and we needed to scratch an itch It doesn’t make you cheap or make you a hoe especially if you did it with a matured man.

But there are some cases where you wouldn’t mind seeing him again and again and again. You get where I’m going with this. But the big question is: how do you get him to stay interested in you after you gave him the goods?

I don’t want to go all out and say that all men are driven purely by sex, but when it comes to casual encounters, this is a big reason.

How to keep a guy interested after sleeping with him

There were times where after you hooked up with a guy, you realize that you like him and thought that maybe both of you could try going on a real date. You know, one that doesn’t end up in the bedroom. Now, this isn’t to say it’s impossible, it is possible, but it’s going to take some work.

Since you already slept with him, it’s going to be a challenge, but then again, if he’s not into you after you had sex with him, then he isn’t someone you need to be chasing after. Can I get an amen?

Okay, you’re here, so it’s about time I showed you some guidelines to follow when it comes to keeping him interested in you. Time to get him chasing you for more.

1.Don’t start acting needy. This happens with both men and women when we’re into someone, we text them eagerly. You just had sex with him so you already went to an intimate place with him.

In his eyes, when you text him an hour later or every morning after, he’s thinking you’re wanting more. And you can want more from him, but don’t scare him away. Don’t be too eager. Let him text you after you hook up with him.

2. Don’t expect too much. Yes, you just had sex with him, but this doesn’t mean he’s going to ask you to be his wife. Keep those expectations low, girl. You may be thinking that the sex was special. It may have been special for you but that doesn’t mean he’s going to see it the same way as you do.

3. Let him know you liked the sex. Listen, when you sleep with someone new, you obviously have a lot of thoughts going on in your mind. You want to know if they liked it, if you pleased them. It’s normal. Though many men act like they’re tough, they’re not.

Most of them have fragile egos and are worrying about the same things as you are. Let him know how you felt sleeping with him, give him a little ego boost.

4. Ease off the pressure. If you really want to keep him around and learn how to keep a guy interested after sleeping with him, don’t pressure him. Now, if you’ve been sleeping together for a year and nothing is happening, then you can ask questions. But if it’s been two days since you slept together, do not start pressuring him with the definition of the relationship. Take it easy or else he’s going to run.

Continue reading “HOW TO MAKE A GUY RESPECT YOU AND REMAIN FASCINATED AFTER HAVING SEX WITH HIM ON A FIRST DATE”

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DOCTOR FOSTER: HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO JUST ACCEPT THAT AT SOME POINT YOU WOULD STOP BEING ENOUGH

I started watching a show lately and it has triggered so many questions and a pile of emotions that has kept me up at night and has made me cry because I honestly can’t seem to understand how the “world of a man” works anymore. The show is called DR FOSTER on netflix and its about a woman who has been married for 14 years and her husband has been cheating on her for the past two years with a girl that is half her age, it’s funny because reading this most people would feel like (oh well, that’s pretty normal and it happens”). She later found out that everyone knew, even his mother and he has taken her on vacations with friends and co-workers and she even ended up getting pregnant and this whole thing just brought a very dark side out of her. She ends up losing her husband, money, her job, diginity, respect, he tried to make her look like an unfit mother so he could take her son and he also hit her so hard she was left unconcious and not one time did he say “sorry”.

In the show, a lot of times there are conversations justifing “men cheating”, it is said that there are two types of married men, “the ones that cheat and get caught and the ones that don’t get caught”. Growing up especially in the African community I have heard things like “men would always be men”, “it is a man’s world” and all these basically justifying and encouraging cheating. How has cheating become so normal and accepted?. It’s just not about the woman but the lies and the deceit and the pretense, the scheming and the pain and the hurt and I keep thinking how is this okay?.

Continue reading “DOCTOR FOSTER: HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO JUST ACCEPT THAT AT SOME POINT YOU WOULD STOP BEING ENOUGH”

TYPES OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

If you haven’t read the introduction to THE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP SERIES then you should in order to have a more in depth understanding about what a toxic relationship really is. There are quite a few types of toxic relationships and some of these don’t even appear as toxic to you until you actually look into it and you become enlightened and start realizing how your partner’s action or perphaps how your actions may be toxic.

1. THE DOMINATOR; Some people hunger for power, dominance and control and all they basically want to do is control every single aspect of your life. They dictate what you should wear, eat, who you talk to, whether or not you work, where you go, what color your hairstyle is and so much more. You basically have no say or control over your life. What this kind of relationship does to you is, it damages you and your identity and after a while you have an identity crisis, you don’t know who you are, you only know who your partner wants you to be, this is a kind of relationship you want to run away from because at the end of the day, the worst thing that can happen to a person is to lose who they truly are.

2. THE PESSIMIST; You never want to be with a person who only sees the negative side of life, they are never positive and there is always something wrong, they just bring you down constantly every single day. This type of relationship would steal your joy, every ounce of happiness you have, steal your drive and you just gradually start becoming resentful, angry and just hateful.

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10 SIGNS YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY MESSED UP

A lot of people feel like an emotional wreck most of the time and you basically want to curl up and die somewhere. I’m not going to lie for a long time I wasn’t any different, I used to feel the exact same way and once in a while I still do. Most of the time you can’t help it, you feel like a mess physically, mentally and emotionally. You feel like you are not good enough and just broken overall, something is broken in you and you don’t understand how to get it fixed. Life just simply sucks for you sometimes, infact I would say most of the time. Life has a way of making you feel super high just to bring you right down and then we feel like we just hit “rock bottom”,one minute you are full of life, you really feel like you got this and things might actually go well this time and the next thing you know nothing feels good, you suddenly feel like a faliure and honestly a lot of times you would rather isolate yourself from the world than actually facing it because sometimes the world has such a curel way of hurting you and taking so much from you and at this point you feel like you have nothing else to give and you are just done.

If you feel this way a lot then it might be a sign that things are clearly messed up somewhere. Sometimes you feel this way so often that you basically think you are normal and its okay to feel this way because that’s how the world works and you start seeing everything from a broken and damaged point of view

10 SIGNS YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP;

1. YOU AVOID CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS DUE TO FEAR OF GETTING HURT; If you have been hurt a lot, multiple times by a loved one, family, friends or a partner then you naturally start having this idea that everyone is the same and nobody is trustworthy and they are all basically all out to get you. You think they are going to hurt you so you build a very high wall to protect yourself, you hide and run very far away, you make excuses to distance yourself as much as possible and you get so comfortable behind that wall you have built. You basically draw back from anything that can possibly make you feel good and that is a very disturbing sign that something is wrong somewhere.

2. YOU THINK YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH; When you start seeing someone nice or decent or something good finally happens to you, you are happy for a split second but because you are so broken you start asking questions

.WHY ME?

.WHY AN I SO HAPPY?

. WHY DOES HE/SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME?

.WHY DO I QUALIFY FOT THIS JOB.

. WHY IS MY LIFE SO GREAT? I DON’T DESERVE IT.

It’s almost like you are convinced that you don’t deserve to be happy and you don’t deserve good things like love and happiness in life. Only an emotionally fucked up person would have this prespective about life, you can’t afford to think life only has bad things in store for you, you need to start seeing the beauty of life and all the great opportunities you can get from it.

3. YOU SABOTAGE YOURSELF; When you have a low-self esteem and zero self confidence, you sabotage good things that come your way. You would rather cheat on someone you think you love rather than admitting that you love them because you are too messed up to accept love and happiness and good things so you feel the need to ruin it, destroy everything that comes your way intentionally.

4. ANGER ISSUES; When you are emotionally messed up, you are always angry and resentful. You snap back and forth between being perfectly pleasant and being extremely furious. You’re not able to control your emotions in a healthy manner. Your anger can be damaging, you may shout and scream and even break stuff when you are angry and sometimes you become violent to the people around you.

Continue reading “10 SIGNS YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY MESSED UP”

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS: A SERIES

I decided to do this series because its 2019 and a lot of people don’t even realize that they are in a toxic relationship and some people are aware but they don’t understand how they got into that situation or how to get out of it. One minute you are in a loving relationship and perfectly happy and the next you are crying yourself to sleep every night because that man or that woman you have chosen to give your heart to has become a monster.

I am going to start of by describing what a toxic relationship means, its funny because whenever most people hear the term toxic relationships the first thing that comes to mind is “physically abusive relationships” and I feel like that is why most people are still tolerating so many things they shouldn’t in a relationship, we believe “as long as he doesn’t lay his hands on me or beat me” then we are good and we can get past anything. But your partner doesn’t have to hit you before you realize your relationship is unhealthy or toxic, infact most physically abusive relationship occur as a result of ignoring all the signs that your relationship is toxic. According to healthscopemag; ” a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviours on the part of a toxic partner, that are emtionally and not infrequently physically damaging to their partner”.

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2019 RELATIONSHIP GOALS.

First of all, Happy new year is in order. If you are reading this it means you made it to 2019 and I couldnt be happier. 2018 was extermely crazy and frustating for me dating wise. I kissed a lot of frogs and it wasnt pretty but the whole journey was exhausting but I had to meet all the wrong ones to find the right one. 2019 is a new slate, a chance to redo everything, get rid of the past and take a breath of fresh air. 2019 is a year to be happy my greastest goal this year is to be happy and have the best time of my life, basically just live my best life.

Relationships are nice but at some point we grow out of it or we get too comfortable it just becomes one of the random things in our lives, we forget to love and have fun so these goals are mostly aimed at rejuvinating a relationship and bringing it back to a healthy state and if your relationship is healthy and great already, these goals would simply help you maintain that happy space you are in. When it comes to relationships, a few goals aren’t a bad thing as long as you keep it simple and make sure it’s something you both agree on rather than setting something unobtainable that’s going to stress you out more.

1. MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER
Quality time is a foundation of any relationship.Quality time is hard to come by, so this is special and nothing or no onr should come before this unless it’s an emergency. It may be once a week, it may be less- find an amount that works for you and try to stick to it. Date each other, make it new and fresh, try out new resturants, go to the movies, have a games nights, go out for drinks. It shouldn’t be the same thing over and over again. That’s the fastest way to kill a relationship, you have to give each other something to always look forward too.

2. GET RID OF YOUR PHONE

I am the absolute worst when it comes to this, I am basically addicted to my phone and the truth is so many people depend so much on their phones that they miss every other thing going on around them. If you want to make your time together really count, decide that you’ll spend a certain amount of time without your phones. “These things were meant to make our lives better, but they sometimes seem like the bane of our existence,”. Remember you are with your significant other, not your smartphone. Putting them in another room — or even locked away in a drawer — can make a huge difference. This shouldnt just be a relationship goal, it should also be a life style goal.

3. TRY SOMETHING NEW

Anytime I get to do something new with my parnter I get super excited. A few weeks ago I went on a roller coaster for the first time in about 10 years, it was extremely scary but after the whole experience, I talked about it for hours and laughed so hard and it was extremely fun. Trying something new is a great way to feel more bonded. “Whatever it is, do something new to keep the relationship fresh and exciting, make sure it isn’t the same old, same old. You need to keep it fresh.” Try something you have never eaten before, travel somewhere new, try ice skating, try picking something out of your comfort zone, whatever that may be.

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4. APPERICATE YOUR PARTNER MORE

It’s far too easy to get caught up in our own little whirlwinds and forget how lucky we are, so try taking some time to thank your partner more. “This keeps you from taking them for granted and showing how much you appreciate that little thing your partner does,” if you have been together a year or 20 years, still thank them for that movie or dinner.” And maybe, just for being them.

When setting 2019 relationship goals, you don’t need to think of anything too difficult or complicated. Pick a few things that will maximize the quality of time that you spend together — and help you remember how lucky you are

5. BECOME SPIRITUALLY CENTERED

Staying spiritually centered is about understanding who you are and why you are on the Earth. It is about getting in touch with your “true self”. Many writers throughout the ages have learned how to find a source of love inside of them that exceeds the love they can produce by their own effort.Being spiritually centered requires reading about the lives of the great examples of divine love and practicing what you learn from them.Taking the time to meditate, pray, reflect, and to find the light of love in others as well as in creation, are all part of becoming spiritually centered.It begins by knowing and living in the reality of the presence of divine love. Your true self will come forward when you can experience who you are as a human being with a spiritual center.Setting intention about this requires taking time to read sacred texts. Try connecting with people who can serve as mentors and spiritual guides.

I’m a Christian so going to church and reading my Bible is one thing i would love to do more often with my partner.

6. HAVE A SHARED GOAL TOGETHER

It’s important to talk about what your relationship is going to look like six months from now, one year from now, or even five years from now. If the future involves a trip or a new apartment, work together as a team to come up with a plan. “Whenever two people feel as though they’re on the same team and are relying on one another, it brings them closer,It’s also a good idea for couples to have something to look forward to.That way, you always feel like your relationship is moving forward.

7. BE OPEN TO CRITICISIM

Nobdoy is perfect, we are all flawed and sometimes when we make mistakes and we get corrected by our parnters we tend to feel hurt or judged. Its important to accept every correction with love and understanding and it is also important to correct our partners with love and not just nag them for doing something wrong.

LIFE UPDATE: MY DATING LIFE SO FAR.

Hey guys its been a while. I am not going to lie i have really missed talking with you guys but my life has been crazy busy. I work basically almost everyday and the little time i have i basically try to sleep and just do my chores so its just crazy busy.

Its been a while i have dated as you know, my dating life is basically not existing. its crazy, i feel like i actually want to meet someone, am ready but i am so busy its annoying and even when i am less busy, i dont know where to go or who to socialize with to get “out there”. So i just end up staying home on my off days and just existing.  I feel like an introvert which  am not but life has kind of forced me to be an introvert which is annoying but its fine. I guess the right person would come, i dont know.

I actually met someone, two people actually in the last two months and it was basically hopeless.So quick question is it just me or when you are ready to date you either meet someone that isn’t super serious, just wants to fool around or someone that is way to serious and he wants you to move in with him and all that.

dating

DATE 1: The first guy i met was actually Nigerian which was good for me because it felt more like home and i guess i thought i would help the connection process or whatever but has i got to know him better i guess it was a little to much for me. He was expecting me to fall in love with him after 2 weeks of hanging out, asked me to move in with him which wasn’t bad but i guess i wasn’t moving at the same pace he was moving so we started to grow apart. Also he had a child which wasn’t a problem, a child is a blessing but i wasn’t just ready to for that type of commitment not only to him but also his child, he wanted me to meet his child and bond which was too much for me honestly and call me selfish but a part of me didn’t want to share either whoever i am with either. So eventually we just stopped talking. Now i dont know if i regret it or i made the right decision because been single for as long as i have been is lonely but at the same time, i need a relationship or a man that wants what i want and was willing to grow with me without making unrealistic demands. So that ended and that was it.

Continue reading “LIFE UPDATE: MY DATING LIFE SO FAR.”